Today I want to talk about something that a client asked me the other day. It was something simple and it made perfect sense. He just asked me, “When am I done? When is this going to be over?”
We’d been working quite a while and he had overcome several issues and he just wanted to know when he was done. Or if there was ever an end to inner growth work. So, I looked at him, smiled, and replied, “Never.” We are never done because we will never be perfect.
Of course, we don’t want you to be always working on your issues. To be in a state of constant effort. We want to get to a state of consciousness where your major issues have been resolved and you can enjoy your life even more fully. We're never done but the result is that life just gets better and better. And then when issues arise you have the tools and desire to resolve them. Faster, easier, from a healthier state of mind.
So even though we are never done, it really doesn’t matter because you grow so much beyond your issues that they seem smaller and less intense with each passing year. I want you to have the tools so that you can work on the issues but not feel like they overwhelm you like they once did.
Remember those first 16 years of your life you absorbed everything positive and negative said about you. Everything you experienced and all those mistakes you made as a child thinking things were your fault, when in reality nearly everything was the result of others. All those old, conditioned beliefs and behaviors made you doubt yourself. All those negative thoughts about how you aren’t good enough, strong enough, smart enough, or whatever created your negative core beliefs that will continue to affect you as you move through your life until you address, resolve and release them.
All these old conditioned behaviors will be triggered and go off like time bombs in your mind. As when in a new relationship your new partner says something or points out something and you might feel a wave of reaction wash over you. It could be anger, doubt, hurt, fear or any other feeling that has just been triggered by what they said.
What you just encountered was one of those time bombs lying dormant in your subconscious mind. Those old beliefs and behaviors that suddenly fill your mind with old worries and fears. Your partner just triggered them and if you aren’t careful you will overreact, make a mistake, or lose it altogether, totally unaware of what just happened.
In that moment you are powerless to resolve your deeper issues and have just experienced the fight or flight mentality of your subconscious mind.
This is just an example of all the number of things that can happen to you at anytime, anywhere. I want you to have the tools to deal with it after it arises. Eventually you will regain control but, in the beginning, you will live through the outburst as it triggers old hurts and wounds within you. Later you may apologize for your reaction which probably blindsided your partner. Eventually you will learn how to resolve it in a healthier way.
What is important right now is that after the experience you go inside and learn why you were thinking and feeling that way. Find that part of you that has that issue and you work with that.
This leads to another important truth that life becomes a series of learning experiences that you draw to yourself so that you can resolve them at the deeper level. To heal and release them so that they never affect you so deeply ever again. You will draw to you in your daily life the very thing you need to heal. Relationships approached this way become a path to joy and success. Not only do you get to resolve old issues, but you also learn how to healthily and happily address relationship issues so that now work together as allies, instead of seeing you partner as the reflection of your old issues.
Life does change for the better. The idea is to not get stuck on the present-day experience. It’s just the trigger. Later you will have the tools to address present day events as they fade in power, because when you look inside the emotions will guide you to where you need to go. The last thing you want to do is blame the other person or react with anger or fear and then try to escape from the experience.
The first things your subconscious will want you to do is to deny, ignore or distract you from your issues, because it doesn’t know how to resolve it and wants to push you away from out of control emotions. You will lead you into over eating, entertainment, drinking or taking drugs to ignore the very gift a healthier part of you attracted to release and resolve old issues.
I know that in the moment it doesn’t seem like a gift and the natural tendency is to avoid the issue, but you will get better and better at seeing them in this new, healthier way. It is necessary to feel it to heal it.
And yes, we are never done, for you will find that at first you are addressing old wounds and resistant ways of thinking, and then you are focusing on all the ways you now wish to change your life for the better. Your attention is upon fulfillment, not fear. Upon creating the life you now want to live, instead of escaping into a fantasy world.
Life just gets better and better. This is what it means to awaken. So yes, we are never done, but you will find that you will want it no other way. That now you are enjoying discovering what it is like to experience life more and more from the authentic you, to make more room within for the healthier you.
Everything changes for the better and that's the wondrous result of addressing your issues with open arms, only to find that this leads to being filled upon with joy and that deep peace that comes from living your life in the now.
Are we ever really done? Thankfully, and amazingly, no.